Graduation Looming. Time to Grow Up.

I tend to write sporadically mostly because I have been absolutely overwhelmed by the numerous things that are happening all at once.  It’s almost 11 pm and I have another 3 to 4 hours of work left for tonight.  In three short weeks I will be a college graduate.  It has been a very long road to get to this point and I had to fight very hard to get here, mostly against myself but also against those that said I wasn’t smart enough or good enough to make it to college, and yet I am graduating.  I’m starting to feel like I need a challenge to rise to in order to be good or successful, therefore my graduating comes with much trepidation.  I’m afraid that I won’t get a job that I enjoy and that I will fall back to my old ways of thinking and behaving.  I keep myself so bound by expectations from others and myself that I have lost a little/alot of who I am.  I really am entering into unfamiliar territory where it is all too possible for me to crash and burn and I will be on my own.  My friends in large numbers have moved on whether they have gotten married or had children and now I am left alone and somewhat overwhelmed.  The classroom was the place where I could prove to everyone everyday that I deserved to be there and now that is going to be gone and I will have to find it elsewhere.  Although, I hope I find the point when I no longer have to prove to anyone that I belong in an academic setting, a time when I allow myself to let the insecurities rest, and silence the poisonous whispers that have nagged me for far to long.